Boat Jokes

How many boaters does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because the right size bulb isn't on board, the local marine-supply store doesn't carry that brand, and the mail-order house has them on back-order.


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What's the difference between a lawyer and a dock line? One should be whipped at both ends: the other keeps your boat tied to the dock.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a minister are bareboating in the Caribbean when they discover the cabin is filling with water and they are in imminent danger of sinking. "Oh, Lord," says the priest, "if you would let us walk on water as you did your Son, we could make it to that island over there and be saved." Then he steps off the stern of the boat and is drowned. "Oh, Lord," says the rabbi, "if you would part the seas for us, as you once did for your chosen people, we could make it to that island over there and be saved." Then he steps off the stern of the boat and is drowned. "Oh, Lord," says the minister, "did you say to turn the handle on the seacock clockwise or counterclockwise?"


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The following is supposedly a documented conversation between the USS Lincoln and a Canadian "vessel"....

Canadian: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. 
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a us navy ship. I say again, divert your course. 
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course. 
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, I say again, that's one five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. 
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call. (taken from yachtforums.com)


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